Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Shut up wordless Wedensday SHUT UP!

I have been up since around 4 a.m. I can't sleep.. too much on my mind.... Too much needs to be done! I have surgery in a few weeks! YIKES.. CRAP!! DAMN!!! Let me tell you that was cleaned up.. I have a few other adjectives but I will save them for my personal journal I keep under my pillow!

Every year I get my hair cut in April..Yes only once a year people... Don't like strangers that close to me... I know shut up! I donate my hair to Locks of Love and call it a day! Last year I hated my haircut... It was awful.. But hair does grow back.. So here I am this year... I am going pretty short .. I will be down for a few weeks and thought why not.. It will be so much easier to handle .. I have always loved long hair, seems the older I get it is kinda a drag.... But my fat face in short hair make me look like crap.. SO I figure if I get it cut now, by surgery day I might be used to it a little more....

Enough about that True confession time....

One of the rules and requirements of Weight Loss surgery is that you can't smoke...

I smoke 1 cig a day 2 one the weekends.. I have for about a year now.. I can go a few days then I just want one.. I have gone 4 days now because I know that they might check to see if I smoked anything.... If they suspect I have then I don't get surgery.... What the hell is wrong w/ me I have been jumping thru hoops for 2 years now.. Why can't I just stop.. For Godsakes man!!!

WEll like I said it has been 4 days... UHGGG!

I asked Brian to bring home something to drink.. You know, some stuff for a fuzzle Navel or two...

I am not a drinker, never really have been, but I was thinkin a few drinks and I would be good to go huh? No! I take a few sips and think.. CRAP, talk about addiction transfer.. That's what the Dr. says Will happen after surgery if I am not careful... Can't have food so people turn to other things.... Maybe this self sabotage is the battle I will always fight..

My name is Martina and I have a few problems....


  1. My name is Robyn and I have a few problems too!
    We all do, some hide it some do not! So don't feel like you are the only one! I have been faithfully praying for you and trust me I won't stop!
    You Know I love you!

  2. I wish I was as brave as you are because I have so many of the same thoughts. How are you affording this surgery? Even if I could afford it, I don't know if I would be brave enough to do it.