Lose 20 get 50

I talked to my WL Doc.. Today... I am soo excited. I have an appt the 10th in Anchorage Oh My Lord I can't wait... The boys and I have started our protein shakes in the morning.. It's been fun... On the 1st we all get weighed and the games begin.. I have the whole family in on this.. The first one to lose 20 lbs gets a 50 bucks to Gottschalkes.
They are all very excited even Sugapie who wants to lose some weight before the wedding...
I have gained 8 pounds since May.. WEll truth be told I have lost and gained the same 8 lbs since May.. I do although have to lose it before I can have the surgery.. I am not worried tho. The protein diet we all start the 1st will drop that 8lbs and more...
I can't decided if I want to cut my hair before surgery or wait until I have lost 100 pounds... I know I will wait tho, because I hate hate hate getting my hair cut..... Ok that was a random thought huh....
I really don't have much to say until the surgery is all signed and sealed.... Perhaps, I'll just wait till then to post another post...
~M~

A New Normal~

Welcome to the many faces of Josh~ Oh yeah and Hair Do's too!

My son, Josh, the 15 year old. As long as I can remember has had problems walking, trippin' over himself, no flexibility what so ever in his lower body... I thought it was weird, but just assumed he was lazy and didn't pick up his feet.. He also grew like 5 inches in one summer, his feet went from a size 9 in the 5th grade to a size 13 over the summer... He would complain about "growing pains", I would give him a hot bath and some Motrin and call it good. He never sat down to eat or do his school work, His legs would shake too much... The older he has become the tougher things seem to be getting. Cold weather, walking on ice, these things seem to cause him unbearable pain.. Now his knees knock so bad he has to concentrate on not falling down. His ankles now touch when he walks and his leg shake uncontrollably. He didn't want to go to the Dr. about any of this until this last summer... Well the tests are in and Josh has been diagnosed with CP. A diagnoses that normally comes at birth or soon there after.
A person would think that working w/ so many clients that had this diagnoses for the last several years, I would have picked up on this.
Well I had my pity party, kicked my own ass.. Relived some shitty moments in my past. A moment I would like to erase.
When I asked God to help me. When I closed my eyes and whipped the tears, in a sweet moment of peace. The hatred, the guilt, the"what ifs", The "why Me's", All of it left... there was just my crying son, weak, afraid, and looking to me for comfort.... A small boy in my head and heart a 1/2 grown man with far too many years of age upon his body. His head on my shoulder, his tears on my heart... We went to see Brian first. They came out and Josh walked away. Brian told me that Josh fell into his arms and cried... A moment in my memory I will always turn to...
So many more of those moments to reflect on, appear in my mind now... Washing away the tormenting ones that have for so long dictated my life...
I see the unspoken questions in Josh's mind.... I have the same ones..... How long will I be able to walk. How long Mom, can I just be some sort of normal?
I heard once from a friend after her son died... That when something happens that turns everything up side down.... When normal can't be found, It's time to find a new normal.. That is our journey now.. A new normal...

All down hill from here~

Chauni took this pic a few weeks ago I thought my cold sore looked extra festive that day~

I know It has been forever since I have been here... I really don't allow myself to write when I am going thru things... Maybe something I learned as a child, No evidence left behind kinda thing.... Tomorrow is my last weigh in. I was already supposed to be done, but my Evil Pc in ALL her glory MESSED up on 2 of my weigh ins and WALLA..... I needed 2 more months.. I try really hard not to wish she gets hit by a truck! Now it's all so close to being done....


Crap, I am soo tired of waiting. I am soo tired of kissing asses and shutting my mouth when all I want to do is scream....


Anyone going thru any sort of insurance approval knows my plight.... Stand up, sit down, run in circles until you are so pissed off and tired you just give up..... I am there... I still have to go to 2 meeting in Anchorage before the send to insurance for final approval...


My back has been out for about 3 weeks.. It is slowly getting better. I still can't walk upright.. I look like a little old lady walking around all hunched over shuffling my feet.. I still have to sit down to wash dishes and vacuum. Which makes me just cry most days.. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel, I do..... The tunnel just seems so frickin far away today...


I started a new blog this last week. Things that I do w/ the family and around the house... I wanted this blog to just be about my feeling about everything to do w/ my weight loss. Well feeling about my life.. It is hard enough for me to open up here. I didn't want to mix the two. I must warn you this blog really is more about my head and heart, the other one just for fun really~