Wednesday, January 21, 2009

A New Normal~

Welcome to the many faces of Josh~ Oh yeah and Hair Do's too!

My son, Josh, the 15 year old. As long as I can remember has had problems walking, trippin' over himself, no flexibility what so ever in his lower body... I thought it was weird, but just assumed he was lazy and didn't pick up his feet.. He also grew like 5 inches in one summer, his feet went from a size 9 in the 5th grade to a size 13 over the summer... He would complain about "growing pains", I would give him a hot bath and some Motrin and call it good. He never sat down to eat or do his school work, His legs would shake too much... The older he has become the tougher things seem to be getting. Cold weather, walking on ice, these things seem to cause him unbearable pain.. Now his knees knock so bad he has to concentrate on not falling down. His ankles now touch when he walks and his leg shake uncontrollably. He didn't want to go to the Dr. about any of this until this last summer... Well the tests are in and Josh has been diagnosed with CP. A diagnoses that normally comes at birth or soon there after.
A person would think that working w/ so many clients that had this diagnoses for the last several years, I would have picked up on this.
Well I had my pity party, kicked my own ass.. Relived some shitty moments in my past. A moment I would like to erase.
When I asked God to help me. When I closed my eyes and whipped the tears, in a sweet moment of peace. The hatred, the guilt, the"what ifs", The "why Me's", All of it left... there was just my crying son, weak, afraid, and looking to me for comfort.... A small boy in my head and heart a 1/2 grown man with far too many years of age upon his body. His head on my shoulder, his tears on my heart... We went to see Brian first. They came out and Josh walked away. Brian told me that Josh fell into his arms and cried... A moment in my memory I will always turn to...
So many more of those moments to reflect on, appear in my mind now... Washing away the tormenting ones that have for so long dictated my life...
I see the unspoken questions in Josh's mind.... I have the same ones..... How long will I be able to walk. How long Mom, can I just be some sort of normal?
I heard once from a friend after her son died... That when something happens that turns everything up side down.... When normal can't be found, It's time to find a new normal.. That is our journey now.. A new normal...


  1. Oh my! What a challenge and heartache all together! I came here from Robyn's blog, and I wanted to say my heart goes out to you and your son. My first encounter with CP was watching a man named David Ring give a sermon. His embrace of his condition, and his living life with God, having a family and children, may be an encouragement to your son. I just remember being in tears at how he took what had "destroyed" his chances of a "normal" life, and instead it made him into the man he is today, quite frankly, someone extraordinary! You will all be in my prayers... Tasha

  2. Oh M you know I love Joshy so much, he is a great friend to me and my family like all of your family is. I will be praying daily, and I know God will have his hand in your families lives. I'm here for you amytime, whether it is to listen, hold your had, anything girl you just name it.

    I Love you and the whole family.

  3. I am visiting from Robyns blog. I just wanted to let you know that I will keep Josh in my prayers. I think your outlook is find a new normal.
    Blessings to you & your family.

  4. I am visiting from Robyns blog just wanted to let you know it will be ok and you will find some normalcy. I myself and dealing with something that made my life less than normal as well. I have a Spinal cord injury that I woke up wth one morning. I was paralyzed from the neck down. I had a surgery and am working on getting a "normal" life back. I know it is not easy but with faith you can do it. I will keep Josh in m thoughts and prayers. You have the right outlook and yes you will have a new normal.Good luck to your family.