Kalidiscope of feelings

I don't want to write today. To be honest I haven't wanted to write in a long time.. So unlike me.. I have a writers spirit.. I have been writing for so many years... Whats wrong w/ me?
Oh Who cares!
I want to sleep.. Sleep Sleep!
My diet is going good! Drag writing everything down... I always forget.. but I am getting about 1000 calories in a day... I am watching everything... I need to up my water.. I don't know whats wrong! I am rebellious I hear...
I want to go outside and the rain just keeps falling.. Today is the first sun we have seen in weeks really... I want to go plant... I miss my flowers, My garden, my house plants! Seems though when you're broke those things are last on the list and what a bummer that is!
Josh and I are ripping out pantry's today both of them taking the wall down and pulling the cabinets off the kitchen walls.. We are getting ready to tile that wall. I hope to have a new sink by the end of next month... Brian is starting the bar/ island this weekend! I can't wait for that. A new range hood.. I will be tiling the counter top on the bar and island this really great pattern that Pat sent over w/ all the tiles he gave us! the kitchen might just be down before the snow flies In all that remodeling we have to go fishing this weekend.. I still haven't gotten enough to can for the winter... What a drag.. I still haven't made all the jams for winter either.. Just never enough time.. I hate that I can't move very well. I hate that most of all...
Surgery can't come fast enough at this point!
I am going to go to sleep now.. Oz is taking a nap I might get to sleep before he wakes up!
Later~

exit weekend~

A long weekend finally comes to a close.. Ive been @ work since Thursday. Sunday is almost over and I got home this morning.. Brian went fishing w/ his brother and some friends today.. No fish! How the hell do you go fishing in the fishing capital of the world and not bring home any damn fish! I think there was a golf game involved~ I'll never know cuz he'll never tell... Oh Well Josh is home from his mission trip and i will be sure to get fish all week from him!!! I haven't seen Chauni yet they have been home since Thursday but I was doing over nights @ work so I didn't get to see her . She has been @ the church since she came home.. I kinda miss the turd! I saw Josh this morning he stayed home from church this a.m. We had a nice morning, then he was off to church and then fishing after... Just Oz and I the rest of the day... Ok..
I went to Anchorage this week and say my wl Dr. Well his nurse, and had my nut Doc Appt.. Everything went very well.. I am proud to say that she said I am perfect for this surgery. She was great and reassured me over and over that I will succeed. The scale there said I gained 2 lbs.. I was pissed, but the nurse said not to worry about it that it could be anything most likely water weight... Oh Well! They also said that I need to start taking insulin again at least until after my surgery.. I have to call and make an appt w/ the sleep Dr. this week, Then just a count down until November!
Work was good.. I get a little tired and lifting Tiff Doesn't do my back any good, but it was just for this weekend and I made 250 bucks so cool beans!
I am tired I will write more tomorrow!

WOo HOOo I love my PCP!

Ok There is so much to tell, But for now I will stick to the best... I lost another 4 lbs.. I'm not sure how... I've eaten more then my far share of 3 musketeers this last week... I never, let me say that again.. NEVER.. Eat candy bars, I am not a sweets fat person.. I am a bread and pasta fat person.. Something went well... somewhere...... I have been averaging a 4 lb weight lose for 2 months now a pound a week.. I'll take it slow and steady till my surgery.. Showing that I am trying.... I got a call from the daycare center yesterday... Come on in and fill out the paperwork.. I didn't even have an interview. I used to work w/ the owner and the other girl that works there and they want me! How exciting is that. It makes me feel proud and good about myself....It's been a few years since I have even seen the owner and she heard I had a baby and didn't want to work outside the house because of Oz and When she needed someone they thought of me.. I can take Oz he can make new friends and I'll be bringing in some money which I haven't done in over a year and 1/2. Well then Gail called, She needed me to come stay at her house for the weekend and take care of Tiff... I used to take care of Tiff When I worked in in home health care. I had Tiff as a client for 5 years and love her very much... Gail is one of my best friends in the world. So of course I said yes... Her house is not Oz proof so that can get a little trying, watching him and Tiff... He hasn't let me feed him for months but when I feed Tiff he gets mad! It is funny!
I need to go take a shower.. I have a reprieve from Gail's house for a few hours and have come home to get some things and check my email... I still need to upload a vid to you tube but I don't have time now. It will have to wait..
I wanted to talk about my Dc. appt yesterday..
I feel so good... My pcp was gone so I saw the other one which let me tell you she and her nurse are GREAT. I love them both.... They make me feel so good about myself.. They are excited about my surgery and about my weight loss.. My other PcP is grumpy and busy and her nurse is too!I like Al my nurse though even tho he is always grumpy.. Anyway, My blood pressure is perfect.. My everything is going well.. I didn't tell her I had a sleep attack the other night.. I forgot and I didn't tell her about my low blood sugar either.. It was just for a weigh in.. I will go in next week if I can find some time and try to get another fasting sugar... I know something is wrong, If I don't eat when I should every few hours I start to shake and feel like I am going to pass out... Completely different from, the huge headaches I get when my blood sugar is too high... Something weird going on for sure, I just can't figure it out by myself yet. I loved going to the Dr. I love that I am still losing weight even just 4 lbs!
I got my brother sister person from Allison yesterday.. It's Amy from you tube I love her, I am glad I got her.. I just saw one of her vids and her son makes me soo soo happy what a completely perfect little guy he is! I will have to send her something this week!
I still have not sent Dee's damn gift, Why is it soo stinking hard for me to go to the damn post office. I will get it out this week if it is the last damn thing I do!!!!!!
Ok I had big plans this weekend for Operation Make Love to my Man, the teens being gone and all, But NOW crap I am staying at Gail's all weekend So dang be to me.... I will have to get creative this week before the teens get back..
It looks like we might have to cancel this weeks trip to Anchorage again.... Depends on Bri boss and the house issues.. I hope we don't I really really want to go! And If I cancel again I don't know if I will get into trouble.. YIKES!!!!
ok that's it for now!

stupid bagel and cream cheese!

I forgot I had weigh in today.... Ate a yummy bagel and cream cheese yeah there is about what a million calories! Damn it!
I need to take a shower, but here I sit watching youtube vids.. I watched April Dawn vid on her lower body lift!
CRAP.... I am bigger then her and they took off 15 lbs of skin just on her tummy! It sucks either way! Leave it and look like a freak get it cut off and have scars every where and be in some serious pain! She looked awful...
The kids haven't called... Chauni called for a moment the other day, she wasn't having much fun.. I felt bad for her.. One of the girls that went w/ the team can be well lets just say difficult. I would like to say more, but then what kind of Woman of God would I be... Sometimes it really sucks that I have to be mature and not slap spoiled, selfish, hateful brats! Trust me as mean as that sounded, I want to use some alley cat backstreet adjectives on this girl!
That said!!!!
I had a great morning w/ Pat yesterday.. Even tho she called me from my front porch to remind me that it was Thursday.. Crap where is my mind! I always enjoy her coming over.. God Bless her. I didn't clean my house I didn't take a shower, I didn't even know what day it was.... I didn't offer her tea, I didn't ask how she was.. I just talked about myself and cussed and screamed cried and laughed.... Thank God for Therapy! Home visit Therapy rocks!!!
Man Speaking of shower... I stink... How can a human body smell so bad!
Bri should be here ina few hours. I am such a slacker..... I need to make my video for youtube today. I am doing a contest.. I just don't know which one I am going to do
One of them Is "Youtube Has talent" and the other one is, "Who would you bless?"
I like both of them, but I am not sure how the youtube people will receive them..
Ugg I am just putting of the laundry and shower now.....
I'll be back w/ my update weigh in later....

My teens~ my life~

So much to talk about I don't even know where to start...
I'm kinda glad that right now no one reads this blog.... Seems there isn't much to write about my weight loss journey until I am closer to the time of having the surgery..
Right now in my life so much has been brewing...
My kids have been gone for a few days now.. It's nice to have it quite.. I think I am ready for them to start their new lives as young adults soon. I am soo excited for their future..
Six months ago if you would have read my blg about Josh over on my space. You would have never thought we would be here now!
Josh is so wonderful to be around.... He is all the good things in me, and even though the bad things in me have leaked into his life, he has made them good! He is quick to anger like I am, but cools so much faster then I do... He is handsome and funny.... compassionate, sarcastic... He calls bullshit.. I love that about him... I am excited to hear about his adventures of the villages.. He is living my dream!
Chauni and I have been struggling.. She is almost 18 and I ahve never had problems with her aside from the scool work issues we have every school year.. She has never even kissed a boy. Never snuck out never went to a party.. She wouldn't even know what to do at a Party... Thank God! She is pure and innocent So weird to me.. Being I was well lets just say, not such a good girl back in the day! We are at a cross road right now.... She wants so much to have an adult life and get ready to move out on her own.. I don't think she is ready... I want her to live here while she is in collage.. She doesn't want to! I Love her so much and just worry about her! Her heart, she is so not ready for what life can be at times!
Other news!
Struggling w/ the stories I heard as a child about my biological mother and the version of what she is now telling me.. Speaking to Chaunis father after 18 years of no communication.. I could go the rest of my life not talking to him.. What a moron!
My BFF Rachael has been in the hospital sick, makes me sad I am not there holding her hand... My other friends father died. I loved him. I want to so be there holding her hand as well.
My food intake is stupid...
I watch more and more vids about protein and fiber.. I have all the tools, But am still retarded!
I having nothing else to talk about right now! I have weigh in tomorrow UGGGGG!

sweetener info

Sweetener Information

Sugar by Any Other Name
Fructose
Artificial Sweeteners
Stevia
Maltitiol, Sorbitol, and Other Sugar Alcohols
Sugar by Any Other Name
In chemistry, the ending "ose" indicates sugar; so beware of ---ose ingredients on food labels . Talbe sugar, the white granulated type, is known as sucrose. Here is a list some of other names of sugars you might encounter:
sucrose
dextrose
fructose
lactose
glucose
maltose
"ose" sugars are pure carb, thus 1 gram of sugar = 1 gram of carbohydrate = 4 calories.
Look for these other commonly used sugar-carbohydrate ingredients :
white and brown sugar
succanat
turbinado
demerrara
molasses
corn syrup
maple syrup
honey
barley syrup
malt syrup
rice syrup
cane juice and syrup
fruit juice concentrate**
**Beware of foods that boast no-added sugar, or sucrose-free. Read the label carefully; many foods such as jams and fruit drinks are sweetened with concentrated grape or apple juice, which are very sweet, high-fructose syrups, and yield the same carb and calorie count as sucrose (table sugar).
***Note that "sucralose" (Splenda) ends in ---ose, because it is made from sucrose sugar, but it is calorie and carb-free. Actually, you might want to think of it as ending in "lose" instead!!
Fructose
Fructose is sometimes promoted as a suitable sweetener for diabetics and low carbers because it does not require insulin to be used by the cells; thus there is no rise in insulin level. However, it is still a carbohydrate and yields 4 calories per gram, just like any other sugar. Fructose has an added disadvantage - because it doesn't require insulin, it is rapidly absorbed by the liver and converted to glycerol - ultimately leading to increased triglycerides and cholesterol levels. There are also studies showing that fructose also contributes to insulin-resistance. While fructose occus naturally in fruits and vegetables, it is present in relatively small amounts, and the fiber, pectin and minerals in these foods balance the fructose content. The fructose that is added to commercially processed food is a highly refined, purified sugar created in a lab from corn and other syrups. It is everywhere - fruit drinks, soft drinks and iced teas, baby foods (yes!), jams and jellies, candies, desserts and baked goods.
Artificial Sweeteners
As a group, artificial sweeteners are classed as "non-nutritive". Thus, they provide a sweet sensation to the tastebuds, without raising blood sugar levels or insulin, and are useful for weight-loss because they are calorie- and carbohydrate-free.
The most common artificial sweetener in use is aspartame (Equal, Nutrasweet). Aspartame is calorie- and carb-free, however it is far from being an ideal sweetener. First, it is not chemically stable, meaning that when exposed to heat and air, it breaks down into its chemical constituents - phenylalanine and aspartic acid. This makes it unsuitable for cooking, or for storage over more than a couple of days. Also, many people have experienced unpleasant symptoms from consuming aspartame, from mild headaches and stomach upset to migraines and depression. The manufacturers continue to assert that the product is safe, and indeed most people can enjoy it without any problem whatsoever. Moderation is the key.
In Canada, food and beverage manufacturers are using a combination approach in their products - using aspartame with another sweetener, acesulfame-potassium (Ace-K, Sunette). This sweetener is not absorbed and yields zero carbs and calories. It has a bitter after-taste, but when combined with another sweetener, this is eliminated. By combining sweeteners, an improved sweet taste is achieved, and reduced amounts of each chemical is required.
Sucralose (Splenda) is spun from regular sucrose sugar in such away that the body doesn't recognise it, so it is not absorbed. Thus it contributes no calories or carbohydrates in its pure form. It remains stable in heat, so is ideal for cooking and baking. Splenda is available for home use as a bulk sweetener, which measures spoon for spoon exactly the same as sugar. It is also available in a more concentrated form in convenient packets. However, these Splenda products also contain maltodextrin, which gives it the necessary bulk. Thus, it does contribute a small amount of calories and carbohydrate. Either form of Splenda, whether it's the bulk form in the box, or the little packets, will yield 0.5 carb grams per amount equivalent to 1 tsp (5 ml) of sucrose sugar. Just remember that the powder in the little packets is much more concentrated, so a smaller volume is needed to give the desired sweetness.
More and more commercial products made with Splenda are becoming available - especially beverages, soft drinks and iced teas, desserts, condiments and candies. Keep an eye on your grocer's shelves. Also visit our Shopping Page for some popular products available in Canada.
Also available in Canada is cyclamate (SugarTwin, Sucaryl), a zero-calorie/carb sweetener. There is still some controsversy that this chemical may cause bladder cancer in rats; it has never occured in humans in over 30 years of study. It is still banned in the US. Cyclamate is not used in commercial products, and is only available as a "table top" sweetener. It comes in bulk form, measured spoon for spoon like sugar, or as concentrated packets, tablets and liquid, There is also a brown sugar flavour, which some enjoy. Cyclamate is stable in heat, so is fine to use in cooking and baking.
Stevia
This is a non-caloric, zero-carb natural sweetener, derived from a South American plant stevia rebaudiana, and has been in wide use in Asia for some years now. It's becoming more readily available in North America; look for it in health food and natural food stores. So far, it appears to be well-tolerated, with no reports of negative effects. It is available as a liquid extract - either concentrated or dilute, a white crystalline powder made from the extract or simply the powdered green herb leaf. It provides an intense sweet taste, which has the potential to be bitter. Some people find it has a slight anise/licorice flavour which may or may not be objectionable. Also, some studies suggest that it may possibly stimulate the release of insulin; in Protein Power Lifeplan, the Eades' recommend using stevia with caution. It is stable in heat, so is fine to use in cooking.
Maltitol, Sorbitol and Other Sugar Alcohols
Sugar alcohols - also called polyols - are a class of carbohydrate that are neither sugars nor alcohols. This group includes maltitol, sorbitol, mannitol, xylitol, erythritol, lactitol, and hydrolysed starch hydrolysates (HSH). These popular sugar substitutes provide the bulk and sweetness of sugar and corn syrup, but are incompletely absorbed in the intestine. Thus they provide fewer calories and carbs than sugar, and result in a much slower, and smaller rise in blood sugar and insulin. They are generally recognised as safe for diabetics to consume for this reason, and products sweetened with these products may legally be labelled "sugar-free" in both Canada and the US. Sugar alcohols do not promote oral bacteria, and xylitol in fact inhibits bacterial growth, thus do not cause tooth decay.
There is a great deal of confusion about whether or not these products provide carbohydrates, and how they should be counted toward a carbohydrate-restricted diet. Some authorities say they provide zero carbs because they are not absorbed. Others, such as Diabetic Associations across North America, are taking a more cautious stand. Currently, food labelling regulations in Canada and US do not require (yet) including maltitol et al in the Total Carbohydrate data of the nutrients list. However, the amount must be listed in the ingredients panel.
So how do you count them in your carb budget for the day? Some say 0 carbs, so just go by the label and only count the carbs from any sugar or starch in the food. Others, such as the Canadian Diabetes Association, recommend counting the full amount as carbohydrate grams, especially for patients using carb-counting for insulin dosage and insulin pumps. Still others take a median approach, and suggest counting each gram of maltitol as 0.5 carb grams.
All authorities recommend using caution and definitely moderation is key. Because they are not completely absorbed in the bowel, they have a nasty reputation of holding onto water, and promoting diarrhea, gas and bloating. This is politely termed the "laxative effect". Sorbitol and mannitol are the worst offenders, maltitol and lactitol less so. The label should indicate the serving size. This is the amount considered safe to eat before the laxative effect takes over. So beware that overeating these foods can have serious effects. Especially for children, who of course will experience the effect from an even smaller amount.
Many low carbers enjoy an occasional chocolate bar or candy sweetened with one of the sugar alcohols, and find there is no effect on their weight loss or ketosis. Some do find it will put them in a stall. Others find they definitely experience a blood sugar "rush" from eating even a small amount. For a few, the laxative effect is pronounced, and even a small amount will trigger unpleasant symptoms. This is definitely a case of YMMV (your mileage may vary). For some low carbers, planning for one of these treats now and then helps to stave off cravings for serious carb binges. Indeed, even at full count, a 40 gram chocolate bar sweetened with maltitol has an average of 12 carb grams, as opposed to regular plain chocolate with 25 carbs in a similar sized bar. Just beware that they can also trigger the sweet cravings you hope to avoid.

Just for me

My mom called the other day.. I haven't spoken to her since I was 15... Her sisters keep calling me.. The last few months trying to get me to talk to her. I have told them time and again leave me alone.. I have nothing to say.. To her... to them... Then they started leaving me notes on my space..
Who am I? Why am I?
All my little life I heard how my mother was a whore, her mother a whore as well.. She poisoned my brother, locked us in closets.. I couldn't take a bath for years because of my fear of water.... I still can't put my head under water in the shower.. Who am I? Why am I ? The stories are scattered through out my mind.. Which ones have I imagined, which ones have I added to? Did he lie to us... Does he fear our finding out? Can I talk to him about it will he get angry? DO I not talk to her because I am scared that I will make him sad.

When I was pregnant w/ Chanui I was 20.. I had nightmares all the time that I would be a bad mom, that somehow I wouldn't love Chauni because my mother didn't love me.. I was tortured w/ the idea that I would never be anything more then a whore and that I could never be...
I call Joey every time one of them calls and asks for his #. He has always told me to tell them to leave him alone... I spoke to him last night... He wants to talk to her.. Ask her so many questions.. He is afraid to hurt my feelings.. He didn't want me to know that he wants to speak to her. He had his wife tell me first.. I just wanted her to shut up I didn't want to talk to her.. He has her on speaker.. I wanted to scream Shut up Let me talk to Joey.. I didn't...
Joey is so sick now.. I don't know how much longer he will live w/out a kidney. I can't give him mine yet.. Josh doesn't match, Dad can't give him his..
What is he to do.. Maybe just maybe one of them can give him a kidney... Joey has lived his whole life thinking he wasn't loved by his mother.. Thinking that she tried to kill him... The stories for him are as shadowed as mine, filled w/ secrets and lies....
I called her last night.. It took me several minutes to open my mouth and speak... I kept swallowing trying to talk but I couldn't it was weird.. She filled the silence w/ too many words I can't remember, and tears so many tears.... I told her, she needs to be careful how she speaks to Joey when he finally talks to her.. She can not speak ill of Dad. I don't care if she tells her side of the story, but Joey doesn't need to be angry at Dad.. Dad told us his version of the truth.. It is not hers but his from a sad angry hurt heart.. Bottom Line.. He raised us well.. WE are strong, independent, smart.... loving people. We have raised amazing children and have honest, caring minds and hearts. I wonder what kind of people we would have been if things had turned out different...
I am not angry... I'm not sure what I am. She said sorry a million times.. I'm not sure for what. I told her I don't care what happened.. I understand that she has a story to tell.. I'm not sure I want to hear it though. Joey on the other hand is ready and willing I believe to hear what she has to say..
Will anything she say change how I feel about myself? Will anything she have to say explain anything about myself? I don't think I feel anything.. When I was speaking to her I didn't cry, i was very calm explaining to her how fragile Joey and his health is... I spoke facts and let her chatter on. In the end she asked me if I could ever have a relationship w/ her... I didn't have an answer.. I still don't.. I don't want to hurt my dad.. I don't want to hurt my mum I have known my whole life... I am curious about my other brother, my cousins, but not overly curious...
I haven't answers, right at this moment I don't even have questions~

whole lotta nothing!

It's been a while since I was here.. I have so much to talk about. First I went to work this last weekend... I haven't worked in over a 1 and 1/2 years... It was nice, but my back has been pist @ me since... I also got a call from a friend of mine asking if I was looking for work. She has a Daycare Center , knows I love kids and didn't want to work unless I could take Oz... I told her yes. I should start in a few weeks! Wild me working again.. I have never worked in daycare. I, however have worked w/ so many ages and kids that I am excited about this... I worry about all the germs that Oz and I can pick up. The pros outweight the cons right now.. I don't have any friends that have small kids and Oz just doesn't know anyone his age... I am glad that he will be able to hang out w/ other little ones. Lets see what else has happened Oh yes....
Brian's Boss had a fire this last weekend in his new home. The one Bri spent most of the winter building.. Major Drag, But on the up note... Everything that wasn't damaged Brian gets to bring to our money pit! That means, kitchen cabinets, amazing granite for counter tops... A huge garden bathtub a wonderful stainless steel dishwasher and upright freezer. Doors, windows.. Can I get an AMEN! I can't believe it.... Oh I almost for got the greatest thing yet... A stainless steel Kitchen sink and bathroom sinks SHUT UP! I am soo excited!!!!!!! All these things are less the a month old if used at all.. He is getting the house declared a total loss. Insurance will pick up everything. So he offered Bri and another guy on site to get everything salvageable.. Rick got the washer and dryer because they are gas and we can't get gas this far out in the woods, but Rick just bought a new set that is electric and is giving us those when he picks up the other set... WOO HOO my washer is now at the point where I have to run the rinse cycle twice. My dryer is ok (GO Cregs) list but, Josh, Bri's brother needs a new one SO two birds one stone!
As For my weight loss. I get weighed next week.. I have an appt w/ my wls Dr. the 16th. I just picked up my last 5 year weight loss record yesterday! I still have to do the damn Ua I never remember to go to the hospital to get that done!
My eating has been going all right.. My water intake is going good as well. My back is killing me, But I hope that it eases up before my pain meds run out!
Well that was alot about nothing! The kids are great! Brian and I are doing alright! No wild sex stories to tell, He tried to make some moves the other night but the new meds I am on for this dumb ass intestinal thing I have has given me a yeast infection I think! Well the meds I have to take for it have given me signs of some yeast thing! Well just the itching, But I have never had a yeast infection. I don't know if you can pass them to your partner via sex...I don't even know it I have one, I just know my who ha itches and it sucks!

Can I get a high5 anyone!

It's almost one in the morning and it's still light outside! Gotta love that midnight sun huh? Flippin skeeters came in tonight when Bri was fixing the front door.. I hate them soo much~
First of all I got all my water in today 70 oz damn thats alotta h2o peeps! Second before I write anything else, Operation Make Love to My Man, signed and sealed~ Let me tell you, Lets here it for the boy! He never stops amazing me. I love him so very much! I can't stop yawning so I'll make this quick...
Breakfast
1 leftover salmon burger
1 liter H2O 2 tl

1 Salmon burger
1 liter H2O

2 pieces of veggie pizza,
oil and garlic sauce
33 oz H2O

1 piece of veggie pizza
b4 bed..
Bad Martina Bad~
about 20 oz H2O before bed....
Pissin the night away foshow!

I had a great day w/ Josh today.. He is going thru some stuff, but is really handling it well.. I am proud of him... He has come along way in a short time.. God and Pat and I am proud to say even me, I believe have helped him in this journey of self worth he has been on! Oh I don't want to forget his Youth Pastor.. A wonderful man of God who encourages and bless Josh daily.. Ok I have to get up early tomorrow and make a youtube video UGGGH I don't wanna~ I keep putting it off... Dread.....
Thank you Lord for my many Blessings... Thank you Lord for my family~
And Pat if you are reading this..... Thank you for all your love and support... Without you, my family would not be where it is today!
~M~

Oh Mr. SUN SUN Mr golden SUN please shine down on me~

Doin' the "SUN" dance....... I am not one to enjoy the heat, but after years of cold cold winters and no sun this spring... Look out.... I am diggin' this SUN! The blue sky is soo blue.. The greens so green after all this rain! (DEEP AMAZING BREATH HERE)

OK, I had a talk w/ Bri last night. Just a small oh by the way talk...

Started out, "Bri how bout some hot sex tonight baby"? Bri said,with a smile, " Oh I guess I could shower!" I then went into this apology about not being to sexy feeling. He told me that's ok. He knows I'm tired and he is tired too.. This time of year is hard on him.. He builds houses and is the Foreman on site. Trying to pour concrete in this weather has been a drag.. They have to get so many poured before July to get the houses done before the snow flies! Anyway, He is tired and sweaty when he comes home from work... Just wants to rest then fall into bed... Which I guess for me is a bonus right now... The bad part, I am afraid we will get into a rut like this..... It's been weeks already....

Operation Bedroom and Make Love to My Man, is going pretty well... No love making yet, But the room is coming together.. WELL up until Oz and Chauni flooded the bathroom in our room causing water to fill 1/2 of my bedroom.. Major Pisser! (No pun intended)
2pieces of wheat toast
2teaspoons butter
3 oz of halibut
1 liter water/ tl


strawberry cupcake no frosting
1 liter water/tl

salmon burger
1 oz mash
fruit juice

strawberry cupcake teaspoon frosting
water