old friends, memories... life....

Soo Soo long since I have written anything...


Too Sad... Too Lazy..... Too Everything...


My surgery is coming so fast now... Soon..... I am wanting... waiting... wishing.... wondering..

I have not written in so long, I guess for many reasons... I am not to keen on just "bitching" in a constant stream on paper.. What a drag to have to read a bunch af blahblahblah's. I will, however, leave a small bowl of reason for future reflection.

Home schooling Josh takes from me things I am not sure I am willing to concede. Chauni and her working has been a treat, on the flip side driving her does drain my tank, gas and body..

Oz is growing, changing so much... The more he grows, the more I feel inadequate to be his mother.. I have, as time has past, become a better mother in so many forms.. I however, can't play w/ him at almost any level. My back pain comes and goes, with it a heavy ache in my spirit. I suppose shame is the best word to describe my feelings.... I am so ready for this surgery.. Tonight I have my sleep test I am excited to get it over w/ then my last weigh in on monday and that will be it. All goes to the insurance company to be reviewed and approved!

On to my kitchen.. I have a sink now moved to another wall, giving me a wonderful window..I also have four recycling bins hidden away, but totally accessible oh my I am very happy about my bins... Josh thinks he is funny putting glass in the plastic and newspaper in the tin.... I don't like him.. Although it is funny to see the joy he receives by torturing me.I still don't have my dinning room back.