Kalidiscope of feelings

I don't want to write today. To be honest I haven't wanted to write in a long time.. So unlike me.. I have a writers spirit.. I have been writing for so many years... Whats wrong w/ me?
Oh Who cares!
I want to sleep.. Sleep Sleep!
My diet is going good! Drag writing everything down... I always forget.. but I am getting about 1000 calories in a day... I am watching everything... I need to up my water.. I don't know whats wrong! I am rebellious I hear...
I want to go outside and the rain just keeps falling.. Today is the first sun we have seen in weeks really... I want to go plant... I miss my flowers, My garden, my house plants! Seems though when you're broke those things are last on the list and what a bummer that is!
Josh and I are ripping out pantry's today both of them taking the wall down and pulling the cabinets off the kitchen walls.. We are getting ready to tile that wall. I hope to have a new sink by the end of next month... Brian is starting the bar/ island this weekend! I can't wait for that. A new range hood.. I will be tiling the counter top on the bar and island this really great pattern that Pat sent over w/ all the tiles he gave us! the kitchen might just be down before the snow flies In all that remodeling we have to go fishing this weekend.. I still haven't gotten enough to can for the winter... What a drag.. I still haven't made all the jams for winter either.. Just never enough time.. I hate that I can't move very well. I hate that most of all...
Surgery can't come fast enough at this point!
I am going to go to sleep now.. Oz is taking a nap I might get to sleep before he wakes up!
Later~

exit weekend~

A long weekend finally comes to a close.. Ive been @ work since Thursday. Sunday is almost over and I got home this morning.. Brian went fishing w/ his brother and some friends today.. No fish! How the hell do you go fishing in the fishing capital of the world and not bring home any damn fish! I think there was a golf game involved~ I'll never know cuz he'll never tell... Oh Well Josh is home from his mission trip and i will be sure to get fish all week from him!!! I haven't seen Chauni yet they have been home since Thursday but I was doing over nights @ work so I didn't get to see her . She has been @ the church since she came home.. I kinda miss the turd! I saw Josh this morning he stayed home from church this a.m. We had a nice morning, then he was off to church and then fishing after... Just Oz and I the rest of the day... Ok..
I went to Anchorage this week and say my wl Dr. Well his nurse, and had my nut Doc Appt.. Everything went very well.. I am proud to say that she said I am perfect for this surgery. She was great and reassured me over and over that I will succeed. The scale there said I gained 2 lbs.. I was pissed, but the nurse said not to worry about it that it could be anything most likely water weight... Oh Well! They also said that I need to start taking insulin again at least until after my surgery.. I have to call and make an appt w/ the sleep Dr. this week, Then just a count down until November!
Work was good.. I get a little tired and lifting Tiff Doesn't do my back any good, but it was just for this weekend and I made 250 bucks so cool beans!
I am tired I will write more tomorrow!

WOo HOOo I love my PCP!

Ok There is so much to tell, But for now I will stick to the best... I lost another 4 lbs.. I'm not sure how... I've eaten more then my far share of 3 musketeers this last week... I never, let me say that again.. NEVER.. Eat candy bars, I am not a sweets fat person.. I am a bread and pasta fat person.. Something went well... somewhere...... I have been averaging a 4 lb weight lose for 2 months now a pound a week.. I'll take it slow and steady till my surgery.. Showing that I am trying.... I got a call from the daycare center yesterday... Come on in and fill out the paperwork.. I didn't even have an interview. I used to work w/ the owner and the other girl that works there and they want me! How exciting is that. It makes me feel proud and good about myself....It's been a few years since I have even seen the owner and she heard I had a baby and didn't want to work outside the house because of Oz and When she needed someone they thought of me.. I can take Oz he can make new friends and I'll be bringing in some money which I haven't done in over a year and 1/2. Well then Gail called, She needed me to come stay at her house for the weekend and take care of Tiff... I used to take care of Tiff When I worked in in home health care. I had Tiff as a client for 5 years and love her very much... Gail is one of my best friends in the world. So of course I said yes... Her house is not Oz proof so that can get a little trying, watching him and Tiff... He hasn't let me feed him for months but when I feed Tiff he gets mad! It is funny!
I need to go take a shower.. I have a reprieve from Gail's house for a few hours and have come home to get some things and check my email... I still need to upload a vid to you tube but I don't have time now. It will have to wait..
I wanted to talk about my Dc. appt yesterday..
I feel so good... My pcp was gone so I saw the other one which let me tell you she and her nurse are GREAT. I love them both.... They make me feel so good about myself.. They are excited about my surgery and about my weight loss.. My other PcP is grumpy and busy and her nurse is too!I like Al my nurse though even tho he is always grumpy.. Anyway, My blood pressure is perfect.. My everything is going well.. I didn't tell her I had a sleep attack the other night.. I forgot and I didn't tell her about my low blood sugar either.. It was just for a weigh in.. I will go in next week if I can find some time and try to get another fasting sugar... I know something is wrong, If I don't eat when I should every few hours I start to shake and feel like I am going to pass out... Completely different from, the huge headaches I get when my blood sugar is too high... Something weird going on for sure, I just can't figure it out by myself yet. I loved going to the Dr. I love that I am still losing weight even just 4 lbs!
I got my brother sister person from Allison yesterday.. It's Amy from you tube I love her, I am glad I got her.. I just saw one of her vids and her son makes me soo soo happy what a completely perfect little guy he is! I will have to send her something this week!
I still have not sent Dee's damn gift, Why is it soo stinking hard for me to go to the damn post office. I will get it out this week if it is the last damn thing I do!!!!!!
Ok I had big plans this weekend for Operation Make Love to my Man, the teens being gone and all, But NOW crap I am staying at Gail's all weekend So dang be to me.... I will have to get creative this week before the teens get back..
It looks like we might have to cancel this weeks trip to Anchorage again.... Depends on Bri boss and the house issues.. I hope we don't I really really want to go! And If I cancel again I don't know if I will get into trouble.. YIKES!!!!
ok that's it for now!