Am I who I thought I could be...

Same doo rag 1 year later The change on the outside is amazing.. The change on the inside is complicated....

This blog has been hard to come back to.. I struggle with closing the door on this chapter in my life... I think tho I want to close it outta shame, not simply because I have lost so much weight...

I went back and readmy old posts and man... Wow... There was one that I posted that struck me anew.. I was talking about my biggest,maybe my deepest fear... What if I am fat because I am lazy, not lazy because I am fat.... Our family counselor once told me, there is no lazy people, just unmotivated ones.... I'm not sure if I believe that or not, but I ponder on it frequently.

Do I eat less because I am healthy, and want to live a long life of mobility.. Or as I feared do I eat less simply because my pouch is the size of a golfball... At the end of my day 15o somethin' lbs doesnt scream freedom in my ear... It whispers "Watch out, I'm still here you just can't see me".

you are my sunshine....

Man, I miss you ladies so much....

I am just 9 weeks out and 83 lbs down...

We have moved and are finally settled what a ride!

I will be getting internet soon at the house and wanted to tell all of you I am well and can't wait to get back in the groove w/ my bloggin peeps!

Come back soon for pics and all the juicy details of what it takes to lose 83 lbs in just over two months! UUUUG!

My name is Martina and boy do I have a story to share!

~M~

I once was lost, but now I'm found!

Oh My sweet cheekas...
I am alive and well....
We have a new house but it won't be ready for 3 weeks so we are camping... We are loving it soo much... The kids have been great... Oz is diggin it most of all... Chauni could do w/out the rain and Josh is a bit tired from hauling wood.... Most of all I love it.... I get to be w/ my family and make even greater memories then before... I can't really see myself living in a town, but I am going to try... They all so badly want to live in a town.. I think they are NUTS, but a year won't kill me huh! We wake up to Eagles every morning as well as a few feisty black bears, the moose are all over the place waiting to drop spring babies... I have spent the last few days settin up camp and am excited to now start taking pictures. We did have a freak moment the first night, involving Josh some hot grease and my lower leg... It sent me to the ER.. i ended up w/ 2nd degree burns and blisters from my knee down.. Makes it a total drag to try to bend, walk, crawl into the tent.. Blah Blah Blah... Even that can't bring me down. We have never been homeless, but in the same turn we as a whole family have never been more happy.....
I am sad that we lost the house, But I know the great things God has for us will bring even sweeter joy!
NOW on to my weigh in!!!!!!!!
I have now made it below 400 lbs!!!!!
Scale says 397.. I had what they call a stall for a week or so.. No weight loss at all.. Let me tell you that SUCKED man!I was getting about 340 calories a day and not losing a thing! The Doc said it was my body in shock not wanting to give up any fat at all.. Then all of a sudden 5 lbs in 2 days.. SHUT UP!!!! I know huh? I feel AMAZING. My Back still doesn't hurt.. SO many years in pain and it just disappeared.. I can't stop the tears when I think about it.... No one can really tell tell yet, but I can....
I tell myself it wasn't about looking hot It was about feeling better... AND Man, I feel so much more alive! We are taking showers and washing clothes right now.. I am on the laptop... I hope to be on every few days w/ new stories and updates! I hope to get to read all of your blogs and catch up on everything! God is good.. You know I can't even type that w/ out my eyes filling w/ tears....
My name is Martina and just because I don't have a house, doesn't mean I don't have a home!
Much love, ~M~